God, This Wasn’t Meant To Happen

Bump photo
Photo credit: Charlie Davidson

These were words I found myself thinking a few weeks back when I was in hospital. I was 39 weeks pregnant. I’d prayed over so many things surrounding my second labour and God had given me a very definite faith for what it would look like. But here I was, being told I may need to stay in hospital until the baby comes (potentially two weeks). Not being with my son at home, labour being induced, perhaps a caesarean section. Nothing I had been in faith for. God this wasn’t meant to happen.

Everything in my last labour had felt slightly difficult and so I’d prayed and really believed for things to be very different this time. I was in faith that everything would be easier and that I’d get the natural labour I wanted. I’d been high risk throughout this pregnancy so had been closely monitored but by the time I was about 36 weeks I’d been given the all clear. I was no longer high risk so could enter labour naturally without being induced like last time. I wasn’t surprised; I’d been expecting this result.

Then at 39 weeks I went for a midwife appointment. Not expecting any problems at all. The midwife struggled to say what the baby’s position was but she had a slight concern it might be transverse – lying across my tummy, facing down with the cord hanging down. This is potentially very dangerous as if I went into labour and my waters broke, the cord would be the first thing to fall out, potentially cutting the baby’s blood supply. I was told to go to hospital to confirm things.

I still wasn’t expecting she’d got it right, but at hospital a consultant confirmed the baby to be transverse. She told me I would more than likely need to stay in for the remainder of the pregnancy until I went into labour and that even getting a slot for a caesarean was unlikely. I felt devastated. This wasn’t meant to happen and the thought of not being with my son for even a week was horrendous.

As I stayed in hospital that night my mind was flooded with potential fears. How would my son cope? How badly would I sleep in a  busy ward, what a bad start this could be to having a newborn. What impact would it have if Alan couldn’t work for those weeks while he looked after our son.

I spoke to my sister and found myself saying these words “things need to change at some point. I mean I’d been in such a place of faith surrounding what this birth would look like, but this was worse than all those scenarios I’d prayed against. What was going on”.

God’s blessing for us over that first night was evident. I was given a private room (which is unheard of), Alan was allowed to stay with me (again unheard of) and my Midwife was amazing.

As I woke the next day, Alan shared his verse of the day with me, which was quite honestly a lifeline.

I trust in you, my God, and I will not be disappointed.
My enemies will not laugh at me.

– Psalm 25:2

We prayed that the right thing would happen, for a good consultant and we said we trusted God. It may not look like I thought it would, but we would trust Him that the right thing would happen.

Over that following morning we were told varying things. Initially that they wouldn’t even try and turn the baby. Then that a caesarean would be likely and they didn’t know how long it would be until a slot would be available. Then I was told they could try forcibly turning the baby, but only 50% chance it would work and could be rather painful. After that they would either need to induce labour or perform a caesarean, and a slot had now opened up that day. None of these options looked great but we decided to opt for the turning procedure.

My consultant for the procedure was amazing. She took the time to explain every detail, the benefits and the risks. Before she turned the baby, she then mentioned that if the baby turned they may be happy to let me go home and go into labour naturally. Things were looking up.

Well, the baby turned easily and not only that, but pretty much painlessly. I was given the all clear that after one more night in hospital I could go home.

A week later and another midwife appointment, and I was told to go back for another scan as they were unsure of the babies position. I knew this meant that if the scan revealed the baby had changed again, we would be back to square one, either needing another turning procedure or a caesarean. This time I’d learnt my lesson.

As I woke the morning of my hospital appointment I decided something. I had faith. Not just faith for a safe delivery, but faith for specific aspects of the labour and I was going to believe wholeheartedly for them. But, if they didn’t happen, then I would trust God that He knew why. I would trust in His goodness and that sometimes we don’t see things as He does. I wouldn’t question what happened, but in the meantime I was going to stand on the things I’d been praying for in expectancy, believing they would happen.

Well, the baby was still head down and I was allowed to go home. So here I am, 41 weeks and 4 days pregnant and relaxing at home, waiting for our second bundle of joy to join our family. I am fully expecting my natural labour but I know that whatever happens, I’ve committed this baby and my labour to God and He is good, in control and I will not be disappointed.

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